I feel that I should not move without the proper instructions or warnings about dangerous bathroom appliances.

So here I am in your typical hotel room beside the motorway. The online tariff is extortionate, the telly has a porn channel and I have use of a Corby 5000 trouser press. I have my own Mifi, my iPad for any extra curricular websites, and I don't need to iron my jeans.

But what I do need is biscuits to go with a cup of tea later on... Which they haven't supplied gratis.

Bleeding cheapskates. Now then... Soft or firm pillows?